Hi My name is Paul and I am an alcoholic. I would like to share with you my experience strength and hope.

At the age of 12 -16 I was the drink runner for my parents parties. Everyone thought it was cute when I would steel a sip before handing over the drink. My first real drink was a half gallon of scotch at age 16. That night was my first blackout and my first run in with the police. By the time I was out of high school I was drinking almost every day. Every time I drank I had no desire to stop. I now realize my drinking was an attempt to self medicate my depression.

For the next 11 years I drank myself into oblivion on a daily basis. I blacked out almost every time I drank. I thought it was normal to have no recollection of the events of the previous day and at times mussed over mishaps and successes I had when someone would fill me in with the details of my evening. I shockingly learned this was not normal at the age of 29.

By the end of my drinking career I was very depressed and could not drink enough liquor to kill the pain. There I was at 29 years of age with no hope for the future. The only answer I could come up with to stop the pain was to take my own life. I knew I could not do this to my family, to my parents or to my two sons who were 5 and 2 at the time and the younger of which I had never seen due to my disease.

I was at the jumping off place. I could not commit suicide. I could not go on drinking. I had no hope, no answers and nowhere to go. I only had a roof over my head due to the generosity of my parents. At this point I repeated my daily prayer “God help me” and this time tacked on a promise that “if he would get me a job with benefits I would keep the job long enough to check myself into rehab.” Well, he did and I got a job boxing groceries. So, I did. Using all my will power I managed to not drink on that job so as not to be fired. I ended up going to rehab and putting together 60+ days of sobriety for the first time since I was 16. After rehab I drank for 2 more months and on January 9, 1990 I started my life of sobriety.

With this change in my life I went from not knowing my youngest son to having full custody within 2 years. I went from the best job I could get as a mover to a career at LADWP for the last 15 years. I went from having a string of relationships never lasting more than 2 months to having an amazing marriage and living a life beyond my wildest dreams.

You can ask yourself two questions: “If when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit drinking entirely, or if when drinking, you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic.” (The big Book) I have accepted that I am an alcoholic and that I could not quit drinking on my own. I am part of a fellowship that has helped me achieve this life worth living. Part of the program, part of my continued sobriety is to pass along to you what has so freely been given to me.

God bless

Paul Adams